Nostalgia, My World tree

     They say school is your second home, To to me it is much more than that. Two important lessons i learnt were.

[Compassion] (10 years ago)

     One afternoon, I came late to class because of a chess tournament session. After my English teacher learned that I had skipped lunch, she made me sit outside and have it before entering class. Once when i was sick but was asked to attend the sports practice, she vouched against it and ordered me back to class. To me she was acting more like a mother than a teacher because she treated students the way she treated her kids. 

[Positive Thinking] (12 years ago)
     I was told by my Science teacher  in fourth grade .. “Your thoughts become your actions, Your actions become your habits and your habits turn to your character.. So Think good”.

     After Introspection, I feel my core self is based on these two lessons. I thank my teachers and school for this. It’s natural to feel a longing for the entity and the atmosphere that made you who you are. After school  my friends got scattered, there was less moral support from college and I was a fish out of water. I could never picture these new people taking place of my school friends. This college could no way replace school. When people are insecure they tend to do crazy things. To simulate the feel of school I wore formal clothes and polished school shoes to college. I was the jester among the entire student body, even the teachers controlled a few giggles when I passed through. The kids my age started to  party, develop hobbies or look for romantic partners to fill their void (I agree that’s what a normal person does).  This is the side-effect of nostalgia on people I guess.

     My long lonely hours in bus were filled with thoughts about school and whenever i would see school kids I would go into a state of melancholy. The same trend continued in undergrad, I started seeking solitude in NITK (side effect still continues) and many of my friends took up bad habits to fill their voids now (I was never man enough for the adult stuff… am  still not). I am sure that a quite few of them did it because they wanted to be one among the crowd (side-effect of nostalgia). Many people go into denial saying my school sucked because they cannot cope with the loss. I had no qualms accepting that i missed and wanted school more than anything else in life. This was a big problem because I could never go back to school. It was weird but all my dreams would be in school !….  I finally hit upon a solution a couple of days back, thanks to constant advice from friends.

     To be dramatic I’ll call myself a Gardner and each experience a tree. We get one tree of each kind and we can  tend to it over a short period of time. After I was done with school I had to start pruning my college sapling and move on. I was expecting the college sapling to grow into a tree similar to school, which was wrong. Each tree is a beauty in its own different way if you see it right. The human mind is not easily open to change, We fear to venture into the unknown because of our insecurities. Once I saw beyond this, I was grateful for what I had and things seemed Awesome. 

My school is my World Tree (In Warcraft a tree indicating the base of the good guys), basically the biggest entity in my Eden. I have a lot of memories associated with it and i can never expect anything else to come closer. One realization that gave me solace (Inner peace is more like it) was that my school was always there in me. I can always relive most of my moments any time. It’s sort of like admiring the tree that is already grown without being able to tend to it again. These memories are what I need to cherish not the building, attire or people. Having realized this, whenever i think of school, I spontaneously feel happy and the melancholy sort of died. My school memories where there with me all along, I just had to make peace with myself that it was all i needed. I also had to open myself to new experiences which would be great in their own way. I could easily extend this train of thought to a relationship, moment or even hobbies. (Neat trick :P) 

What I learned

1) Wearing formals and shoes to college was a dumb idea 

2) People do crazy things when they are insecure

3) If there is a heaven , its school for me

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3) Be open to new experiences 

4) The good moments of my life are always there with me and that’s all I need

     

Regards

Vikram Kamath